Old Timer's Prayer

Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from the craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details - give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for the grace to listen to the tales of others pains.

Help me to endure them in patience.

But seal my lips on my own aches and pains - they are increasing and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet.

I do not want to be a saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people.

And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all - but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends in the end.

The Story Of Two Wolves

The following old parable illustrates the importance of staying in the "solution" rather than focusing to strongly on the problem.

An older Cherokee man is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he says to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, selfishness, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is good. He is love, joy, peace, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person." The grandson thinks about it for a minute and then asks his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee replies, "The one you feed."

article location

If anyone is interested - the article about humour and alcoholics is called:

"Theory of mind, humour processing and executive functioning in alcoholism."

A short summary of the research is given at the above link.

Other information if you're interested in finding the entire report yourself:

Published in the following journal

Addiction
Volume 102 Issue 2 Page 232 - February 2007
J. Uekermann, S. Channon, K. Winkel, P. Schlebusch, I. Daum (2007) Theory of mind, humour processing and executive functioning in alcoholism Addiction 102 (2), 232–240. doi:10.1111/j.1360-0443.2006.01656.x

Of Tantamount Importance Pt 2: THE JOKE

Okay, here's the sample joke from the German study:

It was Mother's Day. Anna and her brother had told their mother to stay in bed that morning. She read her book and looked forward to breakfast. After a long wait she finally went downstairs. Anna and her brother were both eating at the table.

Choice of 4 punchlines:

a) Anna said: "Hi mum, we didn't expect you to be awake so early."
b) Anna picked up an egg and smashed it on her brother's head.
c) Her brother said: "We have a new teacher at our school."
d) Anna said: "It's a surprise for Mother's Day. We cooked our own breakfast."

Okay, that's IT!

Dumb joke, eh?

Anyhow - a measure of responses to similar jokes in the study showed that less than 68 percent of recovering substance abuse users couldn't determine the correct punchline for this joke. Ninety-Two of the participants considered 'healthy' actually 'got the joke' and answered "d."

Here's how the joke should really work:

It was Mother’s Day. Anna and her brother had told their mother to stay in bed that morning. She read her book and looked forward to breakfast. After a long wait she finally went downstairs. Anna and her brother were both eating at the table.

Punchline: d) Anna said: "It's a surprise for Mother's Day. We cooked our own breakfast."

When I first saw this, it wasn't funny to me at all (still isn't!). I looked carefully at all of the punchlines, then walked away from the computer for a minute to think...

Actually - I walked away because NONE OF THE PUNCHLINES MADE ANY SENSE TO ME AT ALL!!

While away for about 2 minutes, I forgot that Anna was the sister, NOT the mother (memory glitch), and I CAME BACK TO CHECK THE TEXT AGAIN. actually - I must say that I feel pretty dumb explaining this, but I think I should 'cos it seems highly likely that others in recovery have similar problems. Maybe if I 'tell' on myself - that I have SUCH TROUBLE in this area - others who also have trouble will feel less 'alone.'

After I checked the text, I thought about 'b' - Anna smashing the egg on her brother's head. I took a moment to imagine this and actually though that THIS WAS FUNNY TO ME, some physical humour - and that some kids I know would find this hilarious - but I remembered that I have a pretty low 'maturity' level at times and that probably ONLY kids (or male teens lol) would find this funny. I had to reason that the joke was told to 'healthy' adults and recovering adult addicts and that this would not be the right punchline.

After all of THAT - I thought about Anna's brother's TEACHER and was INSTANTLY SIDETRACKED (again) wondering what the teacher would think of Anna smashing an egg on the head of her brother. I reasoned that the teacher would probably think Anna's brother, along with Anna - was from a WILD HOME where the mother let the kids smash eggs on each others' heads........then I thought (seriously!) "OMG Anna's MOTHER is who this joke is about!!" I made a mental note (seriously) that sometimes teachers 'ASSUME THINGS' about parents that aren't true of the parents - when the kids show up at school and talk about their siblings... I thought of all these things before turning my attention BACK TO THE SITUATION OF THE JOKE.

Anna said: "It's a surprise for Mother's Day. We cooked our own breakfast."

About this statement, I thought it was totally 'un-funny,' but I thought that a kid (Anna) who would look after her little brother...then I got SIDETRACKED AGAIN, realizing that I only ASSUMED that Anna was the older sibling - without having been given any kind of information about the childrens' ages in the joke! Still, I resolved NOT TO LOOK AT THE TEXT again because the punchlines were only confusing me (really, I WAS confusing ME, according to this research! lol).

Next, I thought 'who cares about the kids' ages? and I went with Anna being old enough to cook breakfast, regardless of how old she and her brother were and I decided that some kids are old enough to cook breakfast. I remembered that the joke was about Mother's Day and that a lot of kids DO NICE THINGS for their mother on Mother's Day. This didn't seem like enough of a reason to pick punchline 'd' but I was completely fed up with the joke by this point and I selected punchline 'd'.........

.............then dashed to the computer to re-read 'my final answer' whether it made sense or not.

It made enough sense - that the kids made 'their' breakfast instead of their Mother's breakfast on Mother's Day. So they were not being nice to Mom on Mother's Day in the way that Mom thought they would be.

Apparently - that is the end of the joke and that's what is funny about it - that there was a mis-communication and that the Mom was thinking like a Mom and the kids were thinking like 'kids' and the Mom didn't get any breakfast.

*shaking my head* Seriously - I worked on this joke for 5 minutes and now that I have explained, in all truth, how my 'recovery-affected' mind dealt with a very simple joke, I am going to once again take a walk and try to forget about the process that seemed to take forever!

I know I said I would post the remainder of the German study, etc., but it will have to wait for a bit.....I am going to go for a walk and try to think of a joke that is actually FUNNY.

Al-Anon Questions

Those who don't drink but who are around active alcoholics often develop behaviors and attitudes that make their situation or their relationship with the active alcoholic worse. Even though non-drinkers are not at fault and every 'drinker' makes his or her own choices on the matter of whether they drink or not, non-drinkers often need some support.



Answer either yes or no to each of the following questions:

1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?

2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?

3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?

4. Do you feel that drinking is more important to your loved one than you are?

5. Do you think that the drinker's behaviour is caused by his or her companions?

6. Are meal times frequently delayed because of the drinker?

7. Do you make threats, such as "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?

8. When you kiss the drinker hello, do you secretly try to smell his or her breath?

9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?

10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behaviour?

11. Does it seem as if every holiday is spoiled because of someone's drinking?

12. Have you considered calling the police because of drinking behaviour?

13. Do you find yourself searching for hidden liquor?

14. Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?

15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?

16. Do you sometimes feel guilty when you think of the lengths you have gone to in order to control the drinker?

17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?

18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker into saying "I love you" or "I'm sorry"?

19. Do you ever treat people (children, employees, parents, co-workers, etc.) unjustly because you are angry at someone else for drinking too much?

20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?


If you've answered 'yes' to a significant number of these questions (5 or more), you might consider finding out more about how to help yourself and learn to set boundaries with the person in your life who is drinking.

Here's the Al-Anon / Alateen site which has information for spouses, children, parents and friends of alcoholics:

Al - Anon / Alateen

Twelve Traditions

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

---These were taken from my 'A.A. Big Book.'