Those who don't drink but who are around active alcoholics often develop behaviors and attitudes that make their situation or their relationship with the active alcoholic worse. Even though non-drinkers are not at fault and every 'drinker' makes his or her own choices on the matter of whether they drink or not, non-drinkers often need some support.
Answer either yes or no to each of the following questions:
1. Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
4. Do you feel that drinking is more important to your loved one than you are?
5. Do you think that the drinker's behaviour is caused by his or her companions?
6. Are meal times frequently delayed because of the drinker?
7. Do you make threats, such as "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
8. When you kiss the drinker hello, do you secretly try to smell his or her breath?
9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behaviour?
11. Does it seem as if every holiday is spoiled because of someone's drinking?
12. Have you considered calling the police because of drinking behaviour?
13. Do you find yourself searching for hidden liquor?
14. Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
16. Do you sometimes feel guilty when you think of the lengths you have gone to in order to control the drinker?
17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker into saying "I love you" or "I'm sorry"?
19. Do you ever treat people (children, employees, parents, co-workers, etc.) unjustly because you are angry at someone else for drinking too much?
20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?
If you've answered 'yes' to a significant number of these questions (5 or more), you might consider finding out more about how to help yourself and learn to set boundaries with the person in your life who is drinking.
Here's the Al-Anon / Alateen site which has information for spouses, children, parents and friends of alcoholics:
Al - Anon / Alateen
