What "Ted" Said

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Alcohol Screening

Here is a quiz I found.

I scored a 65% on this quiz. By answering all of the questions honestly, even though I have been clean and sober for over 3 years, I STILL SCORED A 65!!

Alcohol Abuse Screening Quiz


Here's my result:

Your score is 65%. According to the Office of Health Care Programs, Johns Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this screening quiz, if you answered as few as 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and considered alcohol dependent or alcoholic. Since you answered more than half of these questions Yes you should definitely seek an evaluation by a healthcare professional as soon as possible.

This 65% score still surprises me! I answered 'NO' to a number of questions that asked if I drink a certain amount or number of drinks presently...and even with those questions as 'no,' I also had to answer some questions about what I think about alcohol. Those questions still put my score in a range where I should be evaluated for alcohol abuse.

WOW!

So it's a REALLY GOOD THING that I don't drink anymore. Even WITHOUT drinking, I cannot escape that I THINK about alcohol in unhealthy ways! I think that if I were to ever relapse - I might score a perfect 100% on this quiz!

THAT would be one perfect grade that might kill me.

:(

Simplest Version

SIMPLE APPROACH TO THE 12 STEPS

Step 1: There's a power that will kill me.

Step 2: There's a Power that wants me to live.

Step 3: Which do I want? (If you want to die, stop here.

If you want to live, go on.)

Step 4: Using examples from your own life, understand that

selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear control

your actions.

Step 5: Tell all your private embarrassing secrets to

another person.

Step 6: Decide whether or not you want to live that way

any more.

Step 7: If you want your life to change, ask a Power

greater than yourself to change it for you. (If you could

have changed it yourself, you would have long ago.)

Step 8: Figure out how to make right all the things you did

wrong.

Step 9: Fix what you can without causing more trouble in

the process.

Step 10: Understand that making mistakes is part of being

human (When you make a mistake, fix it, immediately if

you can.)

Step 11: Ask for help to treat yourself and others the way

you want your Higher Power to treat you.

Step 12: Don't stop doing 1 through 11, and pass it on!

A.S.A.P.
Always Say A Prayer

Just A Little Something

I just wanted to add something interesting to the blog. Something light that might appeal to all, so I'm posting this 'old' horoscope blurb that a friend sent me by email. I just thought it connected to the blog a bit because some of the signs are decribed as 'addictive.'

Judge for yourself...

Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by astrologist predictions.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring, smart, loud, loyal, easy to talk to, Everything you ever wanted, easy to please, the one and only.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable, intelligent, loves to joke, very good sense of humor, energetic, predict future, GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive, easy going, loves being in long relationships, talkative, romantic, caring.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet, however not the kind of person you want to mess with you might end up crying.

ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing, lovable, spontaneous, not one to mess with. Funny, excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable, loves relationships, addictive, loud.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy, attractive, great kisser, one of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships, extremely energetic, unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, but will Knock your lights out.

GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. very high appeal, love is one of a kind. Very romantic, most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous, great telling stories. Not a Fighter, but will knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to.

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind, smart, center of attention, high appeal, has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around, extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke, very popular, silly, fun and sweet.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust, nice, sassy, intelligent, sexy, predict future, irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun, loves to joke. Smart.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive, loves being in long relationships, likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing, loves to help people in times of need, good kisser, good personality, stubborn, a caring person, one of a kind, not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous, high appeal, rare to find, great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give, not one to mess with, very pretty, very romantic, nice to everyone they meet, their Love is one of a kind, silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where! Not the kind of person you want mess with- you might end up crying.

Everyone Familiar With This?

From Chapter 5 "How It Works:"

(are you familiar with this part?)

"Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

(found on Page 60 of the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous")

Screw THAT, my friends

I WANT SPIRITUAL PERFECTION

Haha

Or at least I want to be the only one who knows that I haven't attained SPIRITUAL PERFECTION!

OR PLAIN PERFECTION!

I just have to say - I must still be a pretty sick recovering addict - 'cos today I had the impression that I needed to be perfect...I mean - not just excellent or faultless, but PERFECT.

I just received a rental increase letter today (grr) and I spent so much time trying to write the PERFECT rebuttal letter...

Then I realized - THERE ARE NO LAWS to keep my landlord from doing this - raising the rent - anyway!

So my PERFECT LETTER that I spent waaaaaaaay more time on than I needed to (quite a few li'l anger management breaks while I was writing heh)...has turned out to be the worst WASTE OF TIME EVER!

2 HOURS of it.

I could have studied Fairy Tales - or World Literature
(Hey shhhh-up, I heard you laughing about 'fairy tales' - it's a SERIOUS STUDY - it's a 3rd year University course)
:)~

Anyhow - I could have played with my cat (who is still sorely needing attention after that near-fire a couple of weeks ago...he's still jumpy and parks his furry self right at the window opening about 20 hours of the day!), had a nap, worked on World Literature homework, gone to see a friend, gone for a walk...(gone to a meeting shhhhhhh!)

And it wasn't the letter that had to be PERFECT!

IT WAS ME - in the letter!

Haha - I had to 'portray' myself as having been the perfect tenant, surely non-deserving of this rental increase and a buncha other stuff...and the fact is.

I still shouldn't have my rent raised

BUT

- I am not that perfect tenant I was writing about. Sheeeeeeesh - but that was what took up so much time! I didn't lie or anything - I just left out the couple of things that I should be held responsible for - like breaking my window screen and something from the past...I let a person stay here for 2 weeks without telling my landlord 'cos my friend was in a crises...technically the landlord could have charged extra money for that because technically an extra tenant was here for more than just overnight for one or two nights. I just didn't bother asking permission though I'm quite sure my landlord would have understood the situation at the time and would have refrained from charging me or my friend anything extra - since my friend and I knew the situation would be very temporary...

...neither of those things are seriously BAD things...but they do point to the fact that I am not perfect - and also - I have hidden 2 details from my landlord instead of reasonably discussion those things. I actually cranked in the letter about my screen being broken for several months...without explaining how it got that way (I locked myself out and had to come through the window - didn't even break the screen at that time...it was when I tried to put the screen BACK later that I broke it lol).

What the heck?

.....the details aren't really bad and I'm not a bad tenant or horrible person because of those things...but I had to try to come off as PERFECT in the letter - and try to write about my situation as if I have never done anything wrong - EVER.

So - I guess I am still pretty sick, all things considered. I KNOW, myself, that I'm not perfect - but I don't want anyone else to know that!

HAHA

What a dumb post, eh?

Things like this bother me - thot I would post it and maybe someone else who has had a similar experience can comment.

When I was browsing the Big Book - I got to the paragraph that I posted at the top of this blog entry.....and it kinda gnawed at me.

Yep - I STILL WANT PERFECTION RIGHT NOW...

Ah well - maybe tomorrow I'll be perfect.

Or

Maybe I will just act and think with more balance, eh?

This little incident is a reminder, for sure, that I can over-tip with certain behaviors once I allow my mind to get too set. Hmmm I think when I was in treatment, the counsellors used to call this 'obsessive thinking.'

So - oh great - it's not gone...obsession

Oh great - I'm still not perfect

*ptoeey*

Whatever

I am grateful that it was not obsessive thinking of another sort - where I thought constantly about alcohol, drugs, using.

And - I got rid of the letter

LOL

For Workaholics

Working can be a way of avoiding issues, creating barriers between the people that we're in relationships with, a way of escaping other details of life, in general - in the same way that substances like drugs and alcohol can be used for avoidance, blocking relationships, erecting barriers, and denying life's other details, too.

Here, like with 'shop-a-holics,' we are focused on the 'behaviors' of people who might not be using substances like drugs or alcohol - but who exhibit similar behaviors, for similar reasons as drug addicts and alcoholics do.

A lot of people won't accept 'working too much' as an actual problem, however, the behaviors that people obsessed with work display and experience - often inhibit their enjoyment of life, their actual contribution to society in other important life-realms besides the work/job fields, and their abilities to connect with people and hone healthy relationships with people.

There are good reasons to incorporate a 12-Step approach where 'Workaholic' behaviors are present - even where the presence of mood-altering substances is not a factor - because 12-step information and practices can help the workaholic to start dealing with avoidance, escaping, barriers and relationships again.

Workaholics have the behavior of 'working compulsively'
Shoppers have the behavior of 'shopping, spending compulsively'
Addicts and alcoholics 'use compulsively'
Sex addicts compulsively engage in sexual activities or obsess in the mind, compulsively, about sexual-related things.

Just because some of these things don't include 'substance abuse' - this doesn't mean that they aren't troublesome and in need of correction in our lives.

"Behavior-holic" behaviors can cause the same kinds of damage that drug and alcohol abuse can in the lives of the individual as well as that individual's family, friends, co-workers, community extensions, etc.

Workaholism currently is not considered very seriously to be a problem and this is a dangerous assumption - for ANYTHING that interferes with a person's capacity to engage in healthy relationships and cope reasonably with life situations, should be taken seriously.

Of those who aren't struggling with whether 'workaholism' is, indeed, an issue to be taken seriously, 12-Step literature and principles are often a helpful 'tool.'

Here are some questions to ask yourself, if you're worried that your attitudes concerning work and job activities, your behaviors surrounding work and job-related details might be a problem in your life:

1 Do you get more excited about your work than about family or anything else?
2 Are there times when you can charge through your work and other times when you can't?
3 Do you take work with you to bed? On weekends? On vacation?
4 Is work the activity you like to do best and talk about most?
5 Do you work more than 40 hours a week?
6 Do you turn your hobbies into money-making ventures?
7 Do you take complete responsibility for the outcome of your work efforts?
8 Have your family or friends given up expecting you on time?
9 Do you take on extra work because you are concerned that it won't otherwise get done?
10 Do you underestimate how long a project will take and then rush to complete it?
11 Do you believe that it is okay to work long hours if you love what you are doing?
12 Do you get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work?
13 Are you afraid that if you don't work hard you will lose your job or be a failure?
14 Is the future a constant worry for you even when things are going very well?
15 Do you do things energetically and competitively including play?
16 Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop doing your work in order to do something else?
17 Have your long hours hurt your family or other relationships?
18 Do you think about your work while driving, falling asleep or when others are talking?
19 Do you work or read during meals?
20 Do you believe that more money will solve the other problems in your life?


If you answer "yes" to three or more of these questions you may be a workaholic. Relax. You are not alone.


If you answered 'yes' to several of the questions, WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

LOL

Since I stopped using drugs and alcohol, my life hasn't been perfect, by any means. In particular, my BEHAVIORS and ATTITUDES didn't become perfect just because I put the substances down. Some of the above 20 points weren't really in my life when I used substances, nor were they part of my life during early recovery...I actually TURNED TO SOME of those behaviors and situations in the 20 points after I was sober and clean for a while, ENJOYING RECOVERY - after I had enough clean time to APPRECIATE RECOVERY!

I STILL learned or turned to some of those workaholic behaviors...because even if they aren't 'substance abuse' factors...those things are EASY FOR ME TO FALL INTO - because I still don't have excellent coping skills for all of what life can throw at me...so I run and jump into 'work' - which for me is my STUDIES...

Admittedly, though I am clean and sober, I am working on incorporating the information about 'workaholic' tendencies into my life...because - in the absense of the substances I learned to rely on for years - I will still find 'behaviors' to use that feel 'familiar' to help me HIDE from responsibility sometimes, avoid relationships sometimes, ignore parts of life that I am uncomfortable dealing with!

It helps for me to snoop around and check out all kinds of 12-Step literature, whether it's about Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Cocaine, Marijuana, Shopping/spending irrationally, Gambling, Workaholic info - anything and everything...because the literature is aimed at dealing with the behaviors, the situations behind the behaviors, the REASONS why people engage in or exhibit these unhealthy behaviors and how, why, sometimes WHEN people often rely on these types of things - instead of selecting healthier, more socially accepted behaviors.

I don't know everything about WHY or WHEN I use different unhealthy behaviors but if I turn to 12-step and other types of literature for help, I don't have the hopelessly confused attitude and feelings that accompanied me for the whole of my life during my active addictions...

The literature doesn't explain everything to me - but it sure gives me a head start on knowing that life isn't hopeless.

If you've been thinking that maybe you're working too hard and it is affecting your life in adverse ways, your relationships, your finances, even...maybe it wouldn't hurt to check out some 12-Step literature to see if anything helps. You may not find all the answers you need - and the literature won't solve your every problem, but maybe it will help you put things in perspective and help you decide if you can or you SHOULD try to do something about the way you're engaging in, thinking about, or your attitude toward WORKING - possibly 'overworking.'

Here's the WORKAHOLICS ANONYMOUS website:

WORKAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

Just Some Fun

Your Theme Song is Soak Up The Sun by Sheryl Crow

"I've got no one to blame For every time I feel lame I'm looking up" You're laid back, optimistic, and very together Like the sun, people feel warm and comfortable around you

What's Your Theme Song?

Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers "It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss" Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

OMG I AM VELMA HAHA

You Are the Very Gay Velma!

She might not even realize it... But Velma is all about Daphne... not Fred!

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

Do You Feel Lucky?

Your Fortune Is

Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Just Some Fun

Your Theme Song is Soak Up The Sun by Sheryl Crow

"I've got no one to blame For every time I feel lame I'm looking up" You're laid back, optimistic, and very together Like the sun, people feel warm and comfortable around you

What's Your Theme Song?

You May Have a Drinking Problem...

(Joking - but some of this is NOT funny - some of it is how an active alcoholic or addict actually thinks, on occasion! Or, rather - some of these are the jokes that alcoholics will go ahead and brush off - just so they can continue to see drinking as a funny endeavor...I hope it doesn't offend - hope some of it makes you LAUGH)

YOU MAY HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM IF:

* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the
bar.
* Every person you see has an exact twin.
* Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you.
* Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
* That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
* You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
* The glass keeps missing your mouth.
* Every night you're beginning to find your cat more and more
attractive.
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the
earth.
* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw
dinner!
* At A.A, meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
* Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
* Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.
* You can't remember what your family looks like or if you
have a family.
* You loose your car at least once a week.
* You think alcohol abuse is spilling your drink.
* On the way to the bathroom, someone's always stepping on
your hands.
* You don't have any friends, just drinking buddies.
* You quit calling in sick. You let your wife do it.
* You pee in the kitchen sink while mixing another drink.
* Selling beer cans seems like a weekly bonus.
* You celebrate getting out of jail by getting drunk.
* You decorate your Christmas tree with chains of beer tabs.
* No visit to a friend's house is complete until you've puked
on their carpet.
* Your job is interfering with your drinking.
* The toilet seat keeps hitting you in the back of the head.
* You think the sun shining in your face is God's flashlight
telling you to get up and go home.
* You throw-up on purpose so you can hold more.
* It's normal to drive with one eye shut so not to see double.
* You order a keg of beer for your kid's first birthday
party.
* You measure distance by how many beers it takes to get there.
* Your main prayer is "God, get me out of this and I'll never
drink again".
* You think your only drinking problem is when you're out.

Sadly, a few years ago, a couple of these statements were more true than funny for me, personally.

"My job interfered with my drinking" and "You don't have any friends, just drinking buddies," for instance.

I'm glad I don't have to worry 'bout that last one on the list anymore!

*whew*

Couple Of Jokes

Couple of ladies go into town for the day to do some shopping. They meet up
later in the liquor store. Hey Mary, how ya doing? says Cathy. Oh, pretty
good says Mary, I just got a case of beer for Johnny. Wow, says Cathy, Good
trade!

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last
of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several
false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was
just that, so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with
diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a
complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the
hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling,
stumbling, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of
the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his
feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, A hospital
security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and
asked, "What the heck is going on?" The drunk, still staring down at the
sheets, replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."