Well, if there is such a thing as 'Virtual Relapse,' then I am over it and back on track now. I actually DID READ some of those articles about Scotch, Scotch Whiskey, etc.
YUK!
I was reading these and remembering how AWFUL that stuff tastes and worse - how AWFUL it smells! I couldn't believe the way that the liquor was being described in the articles.
Unfortunately, some people are LOOKING for those articles and those liquors. I had to remind myself that some people don't get carried away when they drink. I still don't understand why they don't, on more than an academic level.
There was a 'liquor' tasting guide in the package and I was reading that, simply amazed that there are people whose JOBS require them to 'taste' liquor and then SPIT IT OUT!
Man - that would never happen if I ever got hold of REAL liquor.
I thought, at first, that the articles were having a 'trigger' effect on me, but when I got to the article that explained 'liquor tasting' events and parties, I actually learned about contrasts.
The contrasts:
* My still-twisted perception about liquor versus 'just tasting' liquors.
Unfortunately, I will never fall into the second group and will never attempt to follow what was written in the articles, however, it was interesting to read from the point of view of someone NOT affected with addiction.
I applied what I read to a 'cooking' and 'tasting' contest - like a 'bake-off' and found that those really are the kinds of words in the articles, the kinds of points of view that the writer must have been coming from.
Once I could do that, things took on a newer and better meaning.
I think that I am less angry about people WHO CAN drink safely now. I have had a bit of apprehension before about being around people who can have 1 or 2 drinks and then stop.
I realize that partly, this was an anger toward them - about people being able to ingest substances, while I can never touch them again. Hopefully, this anger is gone now. I hope so because it was a confusing feeling to be around friends who might accept a beer with a supper meal while we were dining at a restaurant or something.
Probably, I won't ever feel really comfortable around anyone who drinks, even if they are just having a single beer or hi-ball, but I understand now that THEY CAN.
THEY CAN because they are MINUS the quirk and sickness that makes alcoholics - Alcoholics!
I have asked non-addict friends before - to tell me about why they can drink and I can't - why their experience is different than mine. Up until now, I think that my friends, because they know I cannot drink, they have given only part-truthful answers while being afraid to answer completely openly. Now they don't have to because I know.
I read about it.
That's enough for me.
