In order to understand ANYTHING, I usually have to define what the Twelve Steps mean to me and use my own words and phrasing to make my head believe that these Twelve Steps are going to work for me.
My words will be in bold.
The Twelve Steps:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
[I admit to having no control over alcohol - that alcohol controls me. I admit that my life has become CHAOS and that I can no longer live with alcohol present in my life.]
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
[If I trust in the Creator that I believe in, my life can be recovered and the insanity of active-addiction can stop.]
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
[I am not supposed to be in control of everything in the world, much less EVERY single facet of my life. I can stop being a control freak, let the Creator take care of things beyond my control, and show me how to live.]
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
[Search internally for my flaws, my past bad actions, my present flaws, mistakes, and know my true perceptions of the world right up to today.]
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
[Admit my past mistakes, decisions and actions, my past perceptions, understand how I created my own problems or if I did not create some of them - and share this information with someone in order to stay away from 'keeping secrets' and harbouring bad thoughts.]
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
[Be ready for change, make the decisions to MAKE THE CHANGES necessary to become a better person - and - prepare for THE LOSS of things I grew comfortable with even though they were bad for me.]
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
[Know that I can't do all the removal myself where my faults are concerned - ask for help and more importantly, ACCEPT help when it arrives - even if this is uncomfortable at first and comes from unexpected sources.]
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
[Make the list, be honest about who I hurt, and gather the strength to make amends.]
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
[Correct mistakes where possible, and if this is not accepted by some people, make the effort, anyway, to the best of my ability.]
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
[Evaluate self for strengths as well as returning old bad habits and where old habits or new mistakes occur, 'Say Sorry' and mean it - and also resolve to correct.]
11. Sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
[Allow the Creator and those with more knowledge in spiritual matters to help me grow spiritually. This means dedicating time specifically to spiritual matters - and also - responding to new and different spiritual instruction.]
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
[Be visible in matters regarding my recovery - and be helpful wherever 12 Step programs are present in my life - whether it's meetings, talking to other recovering addicts or merely taking care of myself properly so that I can be a good example.]
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Twelve Traditions
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
---These were taken from my 'A.A. Big Book.'
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
---These were taken from my 'A.A. Big Book.'
Twelve Steps
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
---Taken from my 'A.A. Big Book'
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
---Taken from my 'A.A. Big Book'
Friday, April 6, 2007
Attention To A Comment Made
I'm not sure if users actually check 'comment' links, so I thought I would copy and past a comment that was recently made - because I appreciate the comment and the wonderful analogy expressed by another blogger - PLUS - I love the mythological reference used, so I want THIS front and centre!
'A Discovering Alcoholic' wrote:
"What Is A 12 Step Program?"
It's whatever you make it.
Daedalus constructed a Labyrinth so cunningly that he himself could barely escape it after he built it. As an alcoholic I often do the same. A 12 step program is a map out of the labyrinth, a group meeting could be the keys to the door, and a sponsor could be the voice of freedom. They are nothing though, if we don't make a real effort. They are like tools gathering dust, inanimate and unproductive.
Thanks so much for posting a comment! I am adding the phrases, 'map of the labyrinth,' and 'keys to the door' to my small store of 'DAMAGE CONTROL' items for when I am creating or ignoring chaos in my life.
Wow - A Discovering Alcoholic...did you read my other blog or something? (thoughs on mythology). It is TOO COOL that you used Greek Myth to explain 12-Step programs! Fine coincidence? No matter - thank you very much for your comment!
(Oh - and hey - I'm anxious to see your blog - I key-worded it, so get blogging!)
'A Discovering Alcoholic' wrote:
"What Is A 12 Step Program?"
It's whatever you make it.
Daedalus constructed a Labyrinth so cunningly that he himself could barely escape it after he built it. As an alcoholic I often do the same. A 12 step program is a map out of the labyrinth, a group meeting could be the keys to the door, and a sponsor could be the voice of freedom. They are nothing though, if we don't make a real effort. They are like tools gathering dust, inanimate and unproductive.
Thanks so much for posting a comment! I am adding the phrases, 'map of the labyrinth,' and 'keys to the door' to my small store of 'DAMAGE CONTROL' items for when I am creating or ignoring chaos in my life.
Wow - A Discovering Alcoholic...did you read my other blog or something? (thoughs on mythology). It is TOO COOL that you used Greek Myth to explain 12-Step programs! Fine coincidence? No matter - thank you very much for your comment!
(Oh - and hey - I'm anxious to see your blog - I key-worded it, so get blogging!)
Damage Control Explained Pt 2
I'm a recovering addict. I still create CHAOS in my life, so whenever I clue in that I AM NOT IN CONTROL of certain things that I should be responsible for, I resort back to KEEPING IT SIMPLE and go back to DAMAGE CONTROL MODE.
Damage:
This can happen with friendships
This can happen with housework
This can happen with schoolwork
This can happen with my health
This can happen with my sleep schedule
This can happen with ANYTHING at all - if I CHOOSE to allow my tendency to create chaos over-ride what I have learned with the 12-Steps - or if I forget to repel chaos, which I have attracted all my life. I will probably never be without chaos because I actually feel a little 'empty' without a little bit of it around. Many clean, recovery peers of mine say the same thing. But chaos doesn't have to RULE in our lives anymore - if we get the 'Damage Control' right!
Damage Control requires THE TWO STEPS that I began this blog with
#1 - K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Smartarse. I have to realize that I COMPLICATED whatever it is in life that is bringing me CHAOS - and that I have to take responsibility for that - because I either CREATED my own Chaos and damage - or I forgot to BLOCK OUT damage and chaos - usually because I was being a smartarse, thinking I'm okay now and that I know it all.
#2 - Don't drink or 'Pick Up.' I KNOW that if I drink or pick up the pills or grab a joint, I won't be able to concentrate on un-ravelling whatever CHAOS is affecting my life. So when things get rough, I always KISS and resolve to stay clean in order to bat the damage and chaos back down.
THEN...my 'Damage Control' routine requires that I initiate thinking about AA's first three steps of 'The Program.'
1. Admit to powerlessness. Admit that things are unmanageable.
2. Believe that a Higher Power can kick the butt of CHAOS right where it hurts!
3. Make a Decision to turn control over to a Higher Power and get MY WONDERFUL IDEAS OUT of the equation.
Of course, I'm using slang terms - but heck - if you wanted formal AA material, you know how to use a search engine and find the AA site...I'm tellin' you how I BRING MYSELF to follow the Program - and I don't do that by RECITING AA LIT BY ROTE. I do it by PARING DOWN TO THE BASICS I've learned from 'the program.' I don't use words in my head like, 'principles,' 'autonomous,' 'moral inventory,' 'personal inventory,' 'amends,' unmanageable,' and 'conscious contact' when I am experiencing CHAOS!
I use words like 'Step,' 'fix,' 'think,' 'correct,' 'I did,' 'creator,' 'help,' and 'truth.'
That's as simple as DAMAGE CONTROL GETS!
I don't worry about the other 12-Steps in the program during points in my life where I am experiencing great difficulties. Steps, 1, 2, and 3 of the standard 12-Step program are for use IMMEDIATELY in all situations.
Other steps follow, however, some of them require a different kind of approach and are NOT FOR USE DURING THE MOMENT OF CHAOS.
Step 4 is a contemplative effort where you learn to start to resolve old ways of thinking and admit your role in past events - not for use during CHAOS because it requires 'reflection' - and often, peace and quiet. Step 5 is a 'cathartic' event you undertake to cleanse yourself of the past, as well.
Heck - by Steps 11 and 12, you don't even have to be thinking of yourself anymore, you're HELPING OTHERS once you progress to those steps.
For DAMAGE CONTROL, other 12-step Steps don't work. The first 3, however, are INVALUABLE. This is why I just call everything related to the PRESENT actions, 'Damage Control.' All I need to know is that IT WORKS - and it works due to my having understood and having condensed what I learned of the 12 Step Program - into WORKABLE parts that I can use, even when I am not really thinking clearly and when I AM NOT IN CONTROL.
I get really PISSED OFF when I hear people spouting 'The Book' word for word. I want to know, dammit - WHAT IT MEANS TO THEM - not what the book says. I can read, for pete's sake! In turn - I rarely 'quote' anything substantial from 'The Book.' Let me re-qualify the statement "I get really Pissed Off": I get upset when I REPEATEDLY see people that I know from meetings - who continually spout off sizeable quotes from 'The Book' when I don't SEE THEM putting those concepts into use. In my 3 years of experiencing the 12-Step program, I have observed that people who don't INTERNALIZE THE PROGRAM into something workable that they use on a daily basis - usually relapse.......or are just a pain in the ass.
Eventually, I just pray for those people and realize - once my anger retreats - that they DIDN'T GET IT!
I still listen to almost ANYONE who talks of 12-Step, AA, NA, MA, whatever-A, whatever, eh? I do - I really do...and I will try to imagine WHY there might be a person before me who is quoting long sentences from 12-Step Lit when I just saw them through the window - 'performing' at a bar across from my bus stop, drunk - 2 days ago...usually - I suppose that it's to REMIND ME TO NEVER talk about shyt in the program that I DON'T KNOW ABOUT - because doing so will never help me.
And all of THIS - is why I think in terms of DAMAGE CONTROL when I have to! I understand WHAT TO DO even when I don't understand what the heck is going on around me sometimes. I don't think that utilizing the 12-Step programs available can get any SIMPLER than THIS!
I'm still clean - and grateful
Damage:
This can happen with friendships
This can happen with housework
This can happen with schoolwork
This can happen with my health
This can happen with my sleep schedule
This can happen with ANYTHING at all - if I CHOOSE to allow my tendency to create chaos over-ride what I have learned with the 12-Steps - or if I forget to repel chaos, which I have attracted all my life. I will probably never be without chaos because I actually feel a little 'empty' without a little bit of it around. Many clean, recovery peers of mine say the same thing. But chaos doesn't have to RULE in our lives anymore - if we get the 'Damage Control' right!
Damage Control requires THE TWO STEPS that I began this blog with
#1 - K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Smartarse. I have to realize that I COMPLICATED whatever it is in life that is bringing me CHAOS - and that I have to take responsibility for that - because I either CREATED my own Chaos and damage - or I forgot to BLOCK OUT damage and chaos - usually because I was being a smartarse, thinking I'm okay now and that I know it all.
#2 - Don't drink or 'Pick Up.' I KNOW that if I drink or pick up the pills or grab a joint, I won't be able to concentrate on un-ravelling whatever CHAOS is affecting my life. So when things get rough, I always KISS and resolve to stay clean in order to bat the damage and chaos back down.
THEN...my 'Damage Control' routine requires that I initiate thinking about AA's first three steps of 'The Program.'
1. Admit to powerlessness. Admit that things are unmanageable.
2. Believe that a Higher Power can kick the butt of CHAOS right where it hurts!
3. Make a Decision to turn control over to a Higher Power and get MY WONDERFUL IDEAS OUT of the equation.
Of course, I'm using slang terms - but heck - if you wanted formal AA material, you know how to use a search engine and find the AA site...I'm tellin' you how I BRING MYSELF to follow the Program - and I don't do that by RECITING AA LIT BY ROTE. I do it by PARING DOWN TO THE BASICS I've learned from 'the program.' I don't use words in my head like, 'principles,' 'autonomous,' 'moral inventory,' 'personal inventory,' 'amends,' unmanageable,' and 'conscious contact' when I am experiencing CHAOS!
I use words like 'Step,' 'fix,' 'think,' 'correct,' 'I did,' 'creator,' 'help,' and 'truth.'
That's as simple as DAMAGE CONTROL GETS!
I don't worry about the other 12-Steps in the program during points in my life where I am experiencing great difficulties. Steps, 1, 2, and 3 of the standard 12-Step program are for use IMMEDIATELY in all situations.
Other steps follow, however, some of them require a different kind of approach and are NOT FOR USE DURING THE MOMENT OF CHAOS.
Step 4 is a contemplative effort where you learn to start to resolve old ways of thinking and admit your role in past events - not for use during CHAOS because it requires 'reflection' - and often, peace and quiet. Step 5 is a 'cathartic' event you undertake to cleanse yourself of the past, as well.
Heck - by Steps 11 and 12, you don't even have to be thinking of yourself anymore, you're HELPING OTHERS once you progress to those steps.
For DAMAGE CONTROL, other 12-step Steps don't work. The first 3, however, are INVALUABLE. This is why I just call everything related to the PRESENT actions, 'Damage Control.' All I need to know is that IT WORKS - and it works due to my having understood and having condensed what I learned of the 12 Step Program - into WORKABLE parts that I can use, even when I am not really thinking clearly and when I AM NOT IN CONTROL.
I get really PISSED OFF when I hear people spouting 'The Book' word for word. I want to know, dammit - WHAT IT MEANS TO THEM - not what the book says. I can read, for pete's sake! In turn - I rarely 'quote' anything substantial from 'The Book.' Let me re-qualify the statement "I get really Pissed Off": I get upset when I REPEATEDLY see people that I know from meetings - who continually spout off sizeable quotes from 'The Book' when I don't SEE THEM putting those concepts into use. In my 3 years of experiencing the 12-Step program, I have observed that people who don't INTERNALIZE THE PROGRAM into something workable that they use on a daily basis - usually relapse.......or are just a pain in the ass.
Eventually, I just pray for those people and realize - once my anger retreats - that they DIDN'T GET IT!
I still listen to almost ANYONE who talks of 12-Step, AA, NA, MA, whatever-A, whatever, eh? I do - I really do...and I will try to imagine WHY there might be a person before me who is quoting long sentences from 12-Step Lit when I just saw them through the window - 'performing' at a bar across from my bus stop, drunk - 2 days ago...usually - I suppose that it's to REMIND ME TO NEVER talk about shyt in the program that I DON'T KNOW ABOUT - because doing so will never help me.
And all of THIS - is why I think in terms of DAMAGE CONTROL when I have to! I understand WHAT TO DO even when I don't understand what the heck is going on around me sometimes. I don't think that utilizing the 12-Step programs available can get any SIMPLER than THIS!
I'm still clean - and grateful
Damage Control Explained Pt 1 (Video Here, Too)
It's a darned good thing that Bill W. was a rotten, lousy, stinkin' DRUNK...'cos once he and Doctor Bob got together and figured out how a program with 12 simple (not easy - SIMPLE - don't confuse the two!) steps could help other drunkards, alcoholism lost its POWER over a great many people. Bill W. and Doctor Bob must have known that I would be born in their same century and that by year 2004, I would have lived 20+ years of drunkennes and NEED THEIR HELP DESPERATELY!
I'm glad that Bill W. was a lousy, drunken jerk - 'cos without his efforts, I would probably be dead by now. Or - I'd be sittin' in a run-down bar or lounge INFLICTING CHAOS on anyone near. (Have you seen "My Name Is Bill W" with James Woods (Bill W.) and James Garner (Doctor Bob)? You should!)
The 12-Steps are definitely DAMAGE CONTROL for me.
I don't think the world is out to get me anymore - therefore I treat people with respect now (change in THINKING and in action).
I don't think the only way to cope with EVERYTHING is to have a drink - therefore, I engage in many productive activities now (changes in decision-making, problem-solving, and in actions).
I don't get drunk anymore - so I don't drive drunk, fall down, pass out or throw up anymore in public! (change in behaviors, less self-centred perceptions - able to think of others)
I don't manipulate people to buy me drinks anymore - so I don't cost people money anymore. (changed behaviors, spiritual growth, and a new moral integrity).
If I never do anything otherwise HELPFUL in the world for the rest of my life, I have already alleviated a TON OF CHAOS from the world by not being drunk anymore!
People are SAFE on the roads near my house - because I'm not on the roads or walking down the street with a beer, either driving illegally or walking drunk. Yes, I actually had tickets before when I drank - for 'walking drunk.'! (No rocket science here - I got 'walking drunk' tickets - I also lost my driving permit...as many drunks do).
Am I embarrassed to say that I used to manipulate people for money (so that I could continue to drink), fall down, pass out, drive drunk, walk drunk, lose my driving permit, and create chaos?
Heck - yeah - I'm still kind of embarrassed at the things I was doing 3 years ago. For sure.
But if I share that DAMAGE CONTROL has gotten me UNDER CONTROL, then maybe someone else hearing of someone so rotten drunk that they drove drunk, got tickets for walking drunk, passed out, manipulated people and created chaos - will think that maybe THEY TOO can get their chaos under control with the help of 12 Step programs. Damage Control is available to ANYONE.
To tell the honest truth, I don't KNOW a great deal about 12 Step programs and that's the beauty of them! You don't have to understand every single detail of the 12-Steps in order to benefit.
I underwent counselling for alcohol issues before I used 12 Step programs effectively - and I 'figured out' the ghist of the counselling, then decided I was sooooo smart...and I went and congratulated myself for being so smart...by going to the bar and buying myself a well-deserved drink! My counsellor didn't get on my back, either...we were talkin' about 'harm reduction' and all that jazz...so I drank less for a while and did less harm LOL. Finally - after about 5 weeks of this counselling, I decided that the counsellor was taking up way too much of my 'harm-reduced' drinking time!
Whatever.
12-Step program literature, when I read it, didn't mince words. The A.A. 'Big Book' used PLAIN ENGLISH that frightened me - words like:
death, lies, Higher Power, powerless, surrender, honesty, self-assessment, disease, spiritual bankruptcy.
THAT kind of language GOT MY ATTENTION.
In A BAD WAY, at first (because I ran away from it before I had read enough)...
I was scared peepless at first, and put THAT NASTY BOOK DOWN for a few months and headed out to the bar where there were PEOPLE TO PROTECT ME FROM THAT AWFUL LITERATURE! LOL. (The 'few months' stretched into 30+ months).
When I found A.A. literature again, I was at my lowest E-V-E-R. I was so depressed during hangovers that I feared for my life. Acquaintances said, around this time (and for the last 6mo of my drinking career), that when I passed out, I was 'out' for so long, and so still, with breathing so shallow that they were worried I was dead. They used to check on me - not to see if I was okay - but under the fear of having to call authorities and explain my death. My hangovers were literally 'fevered,' I had blackouts while the alcohol was leaving my system (would suddenly pass out after being awake, hungover, for a few hours), had uncontrollable shakes and definitiely worried about seizures. Not to mention the PANIC attacks...
I recalled the word 'death' in the literature, but not many others at the time. Just 'death,' 'disease,' and 'spiritual bankruptcy.' I realized that when I stopped drinking, my body was FAILING ME due to its need to acquire addictive substances - whether I decided in my mind to stop using or not. I understood that I was experiencing this 'spiritual bankruptcy,' but I STILL DREADED reading about it in the Big Book.
Naturally, at first, I thought that the Big Book was going to just give me more jargon and lists of 'scary' things and I sure didn't need to be more scared on the day that the understanding of 'spritual bankruptcy' hit home for me! I was too weak, too confused, depressed, humiliated by my own incompetency in life to just go to an A.A. meeting. Someone working at a shelter I stayed in finally asked me,
"Are you ready now - can I make a call for you?" and I said,
"Yes."
The shelter worker called a women's Addiction Treatment Centre for me and that began the proccess of recovery for me. A worker at the treatment centre, when I started DAY 1 of a 28-day program told me,
"Don't worry about 'The Book,' the counselling, the group - or anything...just remember, you're in here to learn 'DAMAGE CONTROL.' That's all you need to remember."
Here's a little video to remind of how DAMAGING drugs and alcohol can be.
Warning: The opening minute and a half is quite graphic and 'Adult Themed' tho' it shows some people who could be of 'Youth' age, so I believe it is appropriate enough for this blog. If you are recently 'on the wagon,' however, you might wish to let the video load and come to watch it only once you hear the vocals start.
I'm glad that Bill W. was a lousy, drunken jerk - 'cos without his efforts, I would probably be dead by now. Or - I'd be sittin' in a run-down bar or lounge INFLICTING CHAOS on anyone near. (Have you seen "My Name Is Bill W" with James Woods (Bill W.) and James Garner (Doctor Bob)? You should!)
The 12-Steps are definitely DAMAGE CONTROL for me.
I don't think the world is out to get me anymore - therefore I treat people with respect now (change in THINKING and in action).
I don't think the only way to cope with EVERYTHING is to have a drink - therefore, I engage in many productive activities now (changes in decision-making, problem-solving, and in actions).
I don't get drunk anymore - so I don't drive drunk, fall down, pass out or throw up anymore in public! (change in behaviors, less self-centred perceptions - able to think of others)
I don't manipulate people to buy me drinks anymore - so I don't cost people money anymore. (changed behaviors, spiritual growth, and a new moral integrity).
If I never do anything otherwise HELPFUL in the world for the rest of my life, I have already alleviated a TON OF CHAOS from the world by not being drunk anymore!
People are SAFE on the roads near my house - because I'm not on the roads or walking down the street with a beer, either driving illegally or walking drunk. Yes, I actually had tickets before when I drank - for 'walking drunk.'! (No rocket science here - I got 'walking drunk' tickets - I also lost my driving permit...as many drunks do).
Am I embarrassed to say that I used to manipulate people for money (so that I could continue to drink), fall down, pass out, drive drunk, walk drunk, lose my driving permit, and create chaos?
Heck - yeah - I'm still kind of embarrassed at the things I was doing 3 years ago. For sure.
But if I share that DAMAGE CONTROL has gotten me UNDER CONTROL, then maybe someone else hearing of someone so rotten drunk that they drove drunk, got tickets for walking drunk, passed out, manipulated people and created chaos - will think that maybe THEY TOO can get their chaos under control with the help of 12 Step programs. Damage Control is available to ANYONE.
To tell the honest truth, I don't KNOW a great deal about 12 Step programs and that's the beauty of them! You don't have to understand every single detail of the 12-Steps in order to benefit.
I underwent counselling for alcohol issues before I used 12 Step programs effectively - and I 'figured out' the ghist of the counselling, then decided I was sooooo smart...and I went and congratulated myself for being so smart...by going to the bar and buying myself a well-deserved drink! My counsellor didn't get on my back, either...we were talkin' about 'harm reduction' and all that jazz...so I drank less for a while and did less harm LOL. Finally - after about 5 weeks of this counselling, I decided that the counsellor was taking up way too much of my 'harm-reduced' drinking time!
Whatever.
12-Step program literature, when I read it, didn't mince words. The A.A. 'Big Book' used PLAIN ENGLISH that frightened me - words like:
death, lies, Higher Power, powerless, surrender, honesty, self-assessment, disease, spiritual bankruptcy.
THAT kind of language GOT MY ATTENTION.
In A BAD WAY, at first (because I ran away from it before I had read enough)...
I was scared peepless at first, and put THAT NASTY BOOK DOWN for a few months and headed out to the bar where there were PEOPLE TO PROTECT ME FROM THAT AWFUL LITERATURE! LOL. (The 'few months' stretched into 30+ months).
When I found A.A. literature again, I was at my lowest E-V-E-R. I was so depressed during hangovers that I feared for my life. Acquaintances said, around this time (and for the last 6mo of my drinking career), that when I passed out, I was 'out' for so long, and so still, with breathing so shallow that they were worried I was dead. They used to check on me - not to see if I was okay - but under the fear of having to call authorities and explain my death. My hangovers were literally 'fevered,' I had blackouts while the alcohol was leaving my system (would suddenly pass out after being awake, hungover, for a few hours), had uncontrollable shakes and definitiely worried about seizures. Not to mention the PANIC attacks...
I recalled the word 'death' in the literature, but not many others at the time. Just 'death,' 'disease,' and 'spiritual bankruptcy.' I realized that when I stopped drinking, my body was FAILING ME due to its need to acquire addictive substances - whether I decided in my mind to stop using or not. I understood that I was experiencing this 'spiritual bankruptcy,' but I STILL DREADED reading about it in the Big Book.
Naturally, at first, I thought that the Big Book was going to just give me more jargon and lists of 'scary' things and I sure didn't need to be more scared on the day that the understanding of 'spritual bankruptcy' hit home for me! I was too weak, too confused, depressed, humiliated by my own incompetency in life to just go to an A.A. meeting. Someone working at a shelter I stayed in finally asked me,
"Are you ready now - can I make a call for you?" and I said,
"Yes."
The shelter worker called a women's Addiction Treatment Centre for me and that began the proccess of recovery for me. A worker at the treatment centre, when I started DAY 1 of a 28-day program told me,
"Don't worry about 'The Book,' the counselling, the group - or anything...just remember, you're in here to learn 'DAMAGE CONTROL.' That's all you need to remember."
Here's a little video to remind of how DAMAGING drugs and alcohol can be.
Warning: The opening minute and a half is quite graphic and 'Adult Themed' tho' it shows some people who could be of 'Youth' age, so I believe it is appropriate enough for this blog. If you are recently 'on the wagon,' however, you might wish to let the video load and come to watch it only once you hear the vocals start.
What Is A 12 Step Program?
I've been involved with 12-Step programs for over 3 years. I've heard all kinds of definitions about what a 12 Step program is, including:
"A 12-Step program is a set of principles by which a recovering addict can re-structure the unmanageablity of his or her life, brought on by his or her previous alcoholic way of life."
(When I was about 1 week CLEAN and heard that one...I didn't even know that sentence was in ENGLISH sheeeeeeeeeesh - I just nodded and smiled and said "yes, yes.")
Here's another one:
"Twelve Step programs are the most laissez faire way of life on earth. 'Laissez Faire' = 'noninterference in the affairs of others.' "
*blink...........blink* I STILL don't understand that one - and I should, because I've been involved with Lassez Faire ooooooooops, I mean 12-Step programs for three years now.
One more:
(I nabbed this one straight from wikipedia so it has to be correct, right? lol)
"The Twelve-step program is a set of guiding principles for recovery from addictive, compulsive, or behavioural problems, originally developed by the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (abbreviated A.A.) to guide recovery from alcoholism."
Again - principles and blahblahblah.
Whatever.
My definition of a 12-Step Program - down to its most SIMPLE (KISS), fundamental impression and meaning:
DAMAGE CONTROL!
12-step programs are DAMAGE CONTROL for addicts.
I had to hear THAT 3 years ago to understand why people were telling me to get a sponsor, go to meetings, and Keep It Simple Smartarse!
"A 12-Step program is a set of principles by which a recovering addict can re-structure the unmanageablity of his or her life, brought on by his or her previous alcoholic way of life."
(When I was about 1 week CLEAN and heard that one...I didn't even know that sentence was in ENGLISH sheeeeeeeeeesh - I just nodded and smiled and said "yes, yes.")
Here's another one:
"Twelve Step programs are the most laissez faire way of life on earth. 'Laissez Faire' = 'noninterference in the affairs of others.' "
*blink...........blink* I STILL don't understand that one - and I should, because I've been involved with Lassez Faire ooooooooops, I mean 12-Step programs for three years now.
One more:
(I nabbed this one straight from wikipedia so it has to be correct, right? lol)
"The Twelve-step program is a set of guiding principles for recovery from addictive, compulsive, or behavioural problems, originally developed by the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (abbreviated A.A.) to guide recovery from alcoholism."
Again - principles and blahblahblah.
Whatever.
My definition of a 12-Step Program - down to its most SIMPLE (KISS), fundamental impression and meaning:
DAMAGE CONTROL!
12-step programs are DAMAGE CONTROL for addicts.
I had to hear THAT 3 years ago to understand why people were telling me to get a sponsor, go to meetings, and Keep It Simple Smartarse!
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Keeping It Simple
I have other blogs on the go. If you've visited them, you'll know that I can type for a freakin' LONG TIME!
Because this is the blog that may be viewed by recovering addicts, I am resolving to K I S S and post - that is, I resolve to keep my entries SHORT.
I know that when I first began my journey of recovery, I couldn't string more than two sentences together, anyway - and sometimes, even THAT was hard. I have been clean for 3 years now (as of Jan 2007) but I still remember what it was like to not be able to associate a 3rd sentence with the first two phrases that someone else JUST SPOKE!
This blog will be an exercise for me in keeping things simple and paring down all chaotic thoughts. For readers, I hope to convey some of my experiences surrounding staying clean and sober. Hopefully, telling of some of the things I have successfully done or still do successfully will help others.
All in all - we each need to find what works for us, in order to stay clean and regain health. For me, sharing helps me stay clean, so here I am and here is my blog.
:)
Because this is the blog that may be viewed by recovering addicts, I am resolving to K I S S and post - that is, I resolve to keep my entries SHORT.
I know that when I first began my journey of recovery, I couldn't string more than two sentences together, anyway - and sometimes, even THAT was hard. I have been clean for 3 years now (as of Jan 2007) but I still remember what it was like to not be able to associate a 3rd sentence with the first two phrases that someone else JUST SPOKE!
This blog will be an exercise for me in keeping things simple and paring down all chaotic thoughts. For readers, I hope to convey some of my experiences surrounding staying clean and sober. Hopefully, telling of some of the things I have successfully done or still do successfully will help others.
All in all - we each need to find what works for us, in order to stay clean and regain health. For me, sharing helps me stay clean, so here I am and here is my blog.
:)
Dummy Hints For Smart Recovery
#1. K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple, Smartarse!
#2. Don't Drink or 'Pick Up.'
#3. Go Back to #1 if you're having trouble remembering how to live without using.
#4. If you skipped #3, GO TO #2 and SIT STILL!
#5. BREATHE...this, too, will come to pass.
#2. Don't Drink or 'Pick Up.'
#3. Go Back to #1 if you're having trouble remembering how to live without using.
#4. If you skipped #3, GO TO #2 and SIT STILL!
#5. BREATHE...this, too, will come to pass.
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