From Chapter 5 "How It Works:"
(are you familiar with this part?)
"Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
(found on Page 60 of the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous")
Screw THAT, my friends
I WANT SPIRITUAL PERFECTION
Haha
Or at least I want to be the only one who knows that I haven't attained SPIRITUAL PERFECTION!
OR PLAIN PERFECTION!
I just have to say - I must still be a pretty sick recovering addict - 'cos today I had the impression that I needed to be perfect...I mean - not just excellent or faultless, but PERFECT.
I just received a rental increase letter today (grr) and I spent so much time trying to write the PERFECT rebuttal letter...
Then I realized - THERE ARE NO LAWS to keep my landlord from doing this - raising the rent - anyway!
So my PERFECT LETTER that I spent waaaaaaaay more time on than I needed to (quite a few li'l anger management breaks while I was writing heh)...has turned out to be the worst WASTE OF TIME EVER!
2 HOURS of it.
I could have studied Fairy Tales - or World Literature
(Hey shhhh-up, I heard you laughing about 'fairy tales' - it's a SERIOUS STUDY - it's a 3rd year University course)
:)~
Anyhow - I could have played with my cat (who is still sorely needing attention after that near-fire a couple of weeks ago...he's still jumpy and parks his furry self right at the window opening about 20 hours of the day!), had a nap, worked on World Literature homework, gone to see a friend, gone for a walk...(gone to a meeting shhhhhhh!)
And it wasn't the letter that had to be PERFECT!
IT WAS ME - in the letter!
Haha - I had to 'portray' myself as having been the perfect tenant, surely non-deserving of this rental increase and a buncha other stuff...and the fact is.
I still shouldn't have my rent raised
BUT
- I am not that perfect tenant I was writing about. Sheeeeeeesh - but that was what took up so much time! I didn't lie or anything - I just left out the couple of things that I should be held responsible for - like breaking my window screen and something from the past...I let a person stay here for 2 weeks without telling my landlord 'cos my friend was in a crises...technically the landlord could have charged extra money for that because technically an extra tenant was here for more than just overnight for one or two nights. I just didn't bother asking permission though I'm quite sure my landlord would have understood the situation at the time and would have refrained from charging me or my friend anything extra - since my friend and I knew the situation would be very temporary...
...neither of those things are seriously BAD things...but they do point to the fact that I am not perfect - and also - I have hidden 2 details from my landlord instead of reasonably discussion those things. I actually cranked in the letter about my screen being broken for several months...without explaining how it got that way (I locked myself out and had to come through the window - didn't even break the screen at that time...it was when I tried to put the screen BACK later that I broke it lol).
What the heck?
.....the details aren't really bad and I'm not a bad tenant or horrible person because of those things...but I had to try to come off as PERFECT in the letter - and try to write about my situation as if I have never done anything wrong - EVER.
So - I guess I am still pretty sick, all things considered. I KNOW, myself, that I'm not perfect - but I don't want anyone else to know that!
HAHA
What a dumb post, eh?
Things like this bother me - thot I would post it and maybe someone else who has had a similar experience can comment.
When I was browsing the Big Book - I got to the paragraph that I posted at the top of this blog entry.....and it kinda gnawed at me.
Yep - I STILL WANT PERFECTION RIGHT NOW...
Ah well - maybe tomorrow I'll be perfect.
Or
Maybe I will just act and think with more balance, eh?
This little incident is a reminder, for sure, that I can over-tip with certain behaviors once I allow my mind to get too set. Hmmm I think when I was in treatment, the counsellors used to call this 'obsessive thinking.'
So - oh great - it's not gone...obsession
Oh great - I'm still not perfect
*ptoeey*
Whatever
I am grateful that it was not obsessive thinking of another sort - where I thought constantly about alcohol, drugs, using.
And - I got rid of the letter
LOL
Showing posts with label recovering addict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovering addict. Show all posts
Friday, June 1, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Of Tantamount Importance!! (you'll never guess) Pt 1
You might not guess what one of the most important things is, when considering 'cleaning up' and maintaining clean recovery...
Nope - it's not the sponsor. A sponsor is important...but what do you do when your sponsor is temporarily unavailable...?
Nope - it's not meetings. Meetings are important...but what do you do when you're in trouble during REAL LIFE SITUATIONS and you can't dash out from a 'business engagement,' school, a family situat, road trip, etc., and run off to a meeting...?
Nope - it's not "Do the work" or "Write it out like 'The Book' says or most OTHER 12-Step-driven suggestions. All of those are important, too...but what do you do if, while you're 'working through,' or 'writing it out,' you encounter SERIOUS emotional reactions (very likely to occur, but this will help you understand YOUR ADDICTION in order to combat it)...and you're taking into consideration what you learned at your last 12-step meeting, all your sponsor's suggestions, etc., and YOU STILL FEEL like you're in trouble...?
THE ANSWER:
Go ahead and go the scientific route!
And that will lead to HUMOUR!!
HUMOUR is TOTALLY USEFUL in recovery!
Seriously!! Humour is really, really really important in recovery.
But first - we need to understand about how substance abuse actually impairs 'humour' in recovering addicts.
A respected Journal simply called, 'Addiction' recently aired a the results of a recent German study that indicated that problem drinkers can't really take a joke as well as some people.
The research subjects were 29 patients in Bochum Germany known to be in recovery because they were - well....... they were in a west-German treatment facility. The control group by which the 'recovery group' was compared were 29 people considered healthy by the researchers' standards. The 29 addicts/alcoholics and the 29 healthy people were all given the same tests.
Part of the testing involved a section where all participants read JOKES! The addicts didn't get some of the jokes, even though some of the punchlines could be realized through logic if one so choose to be 'dead serious' rather than use their propensity for humour! Still - through tools of LOGIC PLUS HUMOUR, the addict group didn't see the humour where they should, as compared with the 29 healthy people. (So - SMARTS plus Humour were lower in addicts than they were in healthy people).
There was more involved in the research other than just measuring responses to jokes. The other things measured helped to uncover WHY addicts might not 'get the jokes.'
Mood was measured
Intellectual ability was measured
Memory abilities were measured
Psychomotor skills were measured
Mentalizing ability (perception and 'other-people-awareness') was measured - aptitude for predicting and understanding other peoples' behaviors.
And, of course, 'capacity to appreciate jokes' was measured.
(Interjection.....)
I read a sample joke from the Addiction Journal article - which was used in the research. I had to read the joke TWICE...and my opinion forever is that it is a really BAD JOKE! I will offer it near the end, after I give you all of the information about the study - PLUS - it's such a total groaner that I don't want to lose readers...I definitely had to USE LOGIC instead of real 'haha-ability' in order to get the right answer, believe it or not.
My 'opinion,' believe it or not - actually SUPPORTS the findings of this study. I'm kinda P-O-ed about this, because I consider myself to have a really broad and open sense of humour! After reading the full article about the study, however, I feel kind of fortunate to have been able to get the right answer...because now I know, from a certain scientific standpoint - that there is a definite 'block' to my funny-bone, so-to-speak, and that I should work harder on seeing things differently. I know now that I may have to use logic along with open-ness to 'humour' - for the rest of my life - in order to understand jokes (humour, intricate uses of language, subtle variations of word-play, and determination of OTHER PEOPLES' behavior etc...) that come easily to healthier people.
(End of interjection...)
Back to the study...
92 percent of the 'healthier' people but LESS THAN 68 percent of the addict group were able to select the correct punchline. As I said before - the joke will follow closer to the end - if I type it in now, you'll GROAN SO BAD - if you're a recovering addict - that you may not even finish reading. Apparently, if you're a 'healthy' person, you'll appreciate and 'get' the joke but I'm worried that you will laugh so hysterically, enjoying the joke - that you'll fall over and not finish reading about the study.
*LOL* ??
The recovery/addict group also fared worse in the mood, intellect, memory, psychomotor skill and 'mentalizing' parts of the testing.
The fact that recovering addicts didn't do so well, especially in the 'mentalizing' parts of the testing, is a pretty clear reinforcement of what is known about an addict's lessened ability to 'socialize' well like more healthy people do.
Jokes occur primarily in social settings. Naturally, there are other ways to put jokes forth, such as through comics, books, forwarded emails, etc., which leave the 'reader' alone with the joke - to interpret the joke in whatever way necessary - however this research concentrated largely on the form of jokes that would occur in a social situation (where the 'receiver' of the joke might gain information from SOMEONE ELSE about how to properly receive the joke).
Because addicts did poorly in other areas tested, we can make a general assumption that addicts really DO HAVE A PROBLEM in the 'HUMOUR' area!
Okay - this post is too long already...and contains some information that recovering addicts might not like at all (I Don't Like It! I can 'appreciate it' but I am still pretty ticked off to find out that I AM ONE WHO DOES NOT INTERPRET JOKES WELL, when before, I thought I ROCKED in the 'getting jokes' area). Actually, I am going for a walk to cool off before I post the BAD JOKE - I am having a 'Drama Queen attack of Can't-Stand-It-itis' over all this! I'll include the *cough*(hiding the 'j' word) , final comments about the German study, and how this all relates to why HUMOUR IS OF TANTAMOUNT IMPORTANCE TO RECOVERING ADDICTS in the next post!
Nope - it's not the sponsor. A sponsor is important...but what do you do when your sponsor is temporarily unavailable...?
Nope - it's not meetings. Meetings are important...but what do you do when you're in trouble during REAL LIFE SITUATIONS and you can't dash out from a 'business engagement,' school, a family situat, road trip, etc., and run off to a meeting...?
Nope - it's not "Do the work" or "Write it out like 'The Book' says or most OTHER 12-Step-driven suggestions. All of those are important, too...but what do you do if, while you're 'working through,' or 'writing it out,' you encounter SERIOUS emotional reactions (very likely to occur, but this will help you understand YOUR ADDICTION in order to combat it)...and you're taking into consideration what you learned at your last 12-step meeting, all your sponsor's suggestions, etc., and YOU STILL FEEL like you're in trouble...?
THE ANSWER:
Go ahead and go the scientific route!
And that will lead to HUMOUR!!
HUMOUR is TOTALLY USEFUL in recovery!
Seriously!! Humour is really, really really important in recovery.
But first - we need to understand about how substance abuse actually impairs 'humour' in recovering addicts.
A respected Journal simply called, 'Addiction' recently aired a the results of a recent German study that indicated that problem drinkers can't really take a joke as well as some people.
The research subjects were 29 patients in Bochum Germany known to be in recovery because they were - well....... they were in a west-German treatment facility. The control group by which the 'recovery group' was compared were 29 people considered healthy by the researchers' standards. The 29 addicts/alcoholics and the 29 healthy people were all given the same tests.
Part of the testing involved a section where all participants read JOKES! The addicts didn't get some of the jokes, even though some of the punchlines could be realized through logic if one so choose to be 'dead serious' rather than use their propensity for humour! Still - through tools of LOGIC PLUS HUMOUR, the addict group didn't see the humour where they should, as compared with the 29 healthy people. (So - SMARTS plus Humour were lower in addicts than they were in healthy people).
There was more involved in the research other than just measuring responses to jokes. The other things measured helped to uncover WHY addicts might not 'get the jokes.'
Mood was measured
Intellectual ability was measured
Memory abilities were measured
Psychomotor skills were measured
Mentalizing ability (perception and 'other-people-awareness') was measured - aptitude for predicting and understanding other peoples' behaviors.
And, of course, 'capacity to appreciate jokes' was measured.
(Interjection.....)
I read a sample joke from the Addiction Journal article - which was used in the research. I had to read the joke TWICE...and my opinion forever is that it is a really BAD JOKE! I will offer it near the end, after I give you all of the information about the study - PLUS - it's such a total groaner that I don't want to lose readers...I definitely had to USE LOGIC instead of real 'haha-ability' in order to get the right answer, believe it or not.
My 'opinion,' believe it or not - actually SUPPORTS the findings of this study. I'm kinda P-O-ed about this, because I consider myself to have a really broad and open sense of humour! After reading the full article about the study, however, I feel kind of fortunate to have been able to get the right answer...because now I know, from a certain scientific standpoint - that there is a definite 'block' to my funny-bone, so-to-speak, and that I should work harder on seeing things differently. I know now that I may have to use logic along with open-ness to 'humour' - for the rest of my life - in order to understand jokes (humour, intricate uses of language, subtle variations of word-play, and determination of OTHER PEOPLES' behavior etc...) that come easily to healthier people.
(End of interjection...)
Back to the study...
92 percent of the 'healthier' people but LESS THAN 68 percent of the addict group were able to select the correct punchline. As I said before - the joke will follow closer to the end - if I type it in now, you'll GROAN SO BAD - if you're a recovering addict - that you may not even finish reading. Apparently, if you're a 'healthy' person, you'll appreciate and 'get' the joke but I'm worried that you will laugh so hysterically, enjoying the joke - that you'll fall over and not finish reading about the study.
*LOL* ??
The recovery/addict group also fared worse in the mood, intellect, memory, psychomotor skill and 'mentalizing' parts of the testing.
The fact that recovering addicts didn't do so well, especially in the 'mentalizing' parts of the testing, is a pretty clear reinforcement of what is known about an addict's lessened ability to 'socialize' well like more healthy people do.
Jokes occur primarily in social settings. Naturally, there are other ways to put jokes forth, such as through comics, books, forwarded emails, etc., which leave the 'reader' alone with the joke - to interpret the joke in whatever way necessary - however this research concentrated largely on the form of jokes that would occur in a social situation (where the 'receiver' of the joke might gain information from SOMEONE ELSE about how to properly receive the joke).
Because addicts did poorly in other areas tested, we can make a general assumption that addicts really DO HAVE A PROBLEM in the 'HUMOUR' area!
Okay - this post is too long already...and contains some information that recovering addicts might not like at all (I Don't Like It! I can 'appreciate it' but I am still pretty ticked off to find out that I AM ONE WHO DOES NOT INTERPRET JOKES WELL, when before, I thought I ROCKED in the 'getting jokes' area). Actually, I am going for a walk to cool off before I post the BAD JOKE - I am having a 'Drama Queen attack of Can't-Stand-It-itis' over all this! I'll include the *cough*(hiding the 'j' word) , final comments about the German study, and how this all relates to why HUMOUR IS OF TANTAMOUNT IMPORTANCE TO RECOVERING ADDICTS in the next post!
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