Couple of ladies go into town for the day to do some shopping. They meet up
later in the liquor store. Hey Mary, how ya doing? says Cathy. Oh, pretty
good says Mary, I just got a case of beer for Johnny. Wow, says Cathy, Good
trade!
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last
of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several
false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was
just that, so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with
diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a
complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the
hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling,
stumbling, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of
the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his
feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, A hospital
security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and
asked, "What the heck is going on?" The drunk, still staring down at the
sheets, replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
Showing posts with label joking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joking. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2007
Drunks Tick me off and Drunks With Dogs Joke
I'm not feeling very serious lately. Well, I'm cranky, actually...
About my recovery 'Yes-serious'
About things in general 'No' - no serious allowed.
I've had a bad week, so I started looking up jokes to cheer myself up.
I'm cranky because - a drunk neighbor nearly burned down our apartments last Saturday when he passed out with food in the oven, so I have had my fill of 'serious' this week. To boot, doc says I will be sick for a while (NO really effective meds I can take because I screwed up for 20+ years as an addict and cannot take most drugs without risk of addiction to the prescriptions - grr) because I have to heal naturally. *coughcough* Heck - there was no fire at all, either - just a lot of SMOKE. I woke the guy up before anything began to 'flame,' but the smoke was pretty brutal at the time and I had to leave my apartment for 2 hours before I could breathe in my own place again.
This proves:
Drinking can affect even people who aren't family or friends!
Starting or almost starting a fire because you're so fried on dope and alcohol - is very much like driving drunk then, isn't it? The drunk/druggie doesn't think their problem is anyone else's...but really
IT IS anyone around them that shares in the problem.
Now - my health problems, for however long they last 'til I heal up, stop having headaches and extra coughing, etc...are my problem - because I'm clean but someone else who lives beside me won't clean up their act!
I wasn't going to bring this to my blog and just bytch about it...but I've been hangin' on to it since Saturday and really...
It's a pretty pertinent topic for the blog, don't you think?
Anyhow - that's my blurb about bein' bytchy and sick...and also - here's a li'l info 'bout how being bytchy and sick can affect thinking when you're in recovery...
(something that I had to work on for a while JUST NOW 'cos this is the stuff that can make addicts in recovery - go back out and use)
... since I am up in the middle of the night from medication that I CAN TAKE which makes me jittery and wakes me up - and I was otherwise probably going to wake up from coughing anyway...I decided not to just lay there and feel kinda sick - I got up and started reading. I got even crankier than expected, really quick-like and homework sucked after about an hour... I slammed the books shut and got to wondering why I sobered up in order to live near an addict who keeps causing *coughcough* apartment problems blahblahblah (told ya I'm sick'n'cranky, eh?)...and finally, I started thinkin' that I might as well have gone to the bar last weekend and caused my OWN PROBLEMS with booze. I figured for a while it was starting to make sense that way because - so long as I don't have any control over OTHER PEOPLE but they can SERIOUSLY AFFECT my life with THEIR BOOZE and DRUG problems...blahblahblah it was just getting worse 'cos I am *coughcough* tired and cranky and it's the middle of the night...
It was all just stinkin' thinkin'...
SO I HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS...
Just spent the last hour IGNORING HOMEWORK and reading JOKES!
NOW I still feel kinda cranky and kinda sick - but feeling NOT SERIOUS AT ALL...
Plus...I don't think, anymore, that I should have just gone to the bar last weekend, etc, etc...that was just bytchy pity thinkin' from a little while ago and I'm glad I'm over that...
SO anyhow...here's a joke I thought was kinda cute...
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a doberman and the other,
a chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the doberman said
to her friend, Let's go over to that bar for a drink. The lady with the
chihuahua said, We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us. The one with
the doberman said, Just watch, and do as I do. They walked over to the bar
and the one with the doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to
walk in. The bouncer at the door said, Sorry, lady, no pets allowed. The
woman with the doberman said, You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye
dog. The bouncer said, A doberman? The woman said, Yes, they're using them
now. They're very good. The bouncer said, OK, come on in. The lady with the
chihuahua thought that convincing him that a chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog
may be a bit more difficult, but thought, what the heck, so she put on her
dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, Sorry,
lady, no pets allowed. The woman said, You don't understand. This is my
seeing-eye dog. The bouncer said, A chihuahua? The woman with the chihuahua
said, A chihuahua? The bastards sold me a chihuahua?
I'm glad I didn't just lay around when I couldn't sleep 'cos that's when 'sick and tired of it' thoughts and 'stinking thinking' thoughts occur - and I'm glad I got up to read some cool jokes. Now I'm tired but laughing.
Wow - what a screwed up post, eh?
I'm outta here - got more jokes to read.
About my recovery 'Yes-serious'
About things in general 'No' - no serious allowed.
I've had a bad week, so I started looking up jokes to cheer myself up.
I'm cranky because - a drunk neighbor nearly burned down our apartments last Saturday when he passed out with food in the oven, so I have had my fill of 'serious' this week. To boot, doc says I will be sick for a while (NO really effective meds I can take because I screwed up for 20+ years as an addict and cannot take most drugs without risk of addiction to the prescriptions - grr) because I have to heal naturally. *coughcough* Heck - there was no fire at all, either - just a lot of SMOKE. I woke the guy up before anything began to 'flame,' but the smoke was pretty brutal at the time and I had to leave my apartment for 2 hours before I could breathe in my own place again.
This proves:
Drinking can affect even people who aren't family or friends!
Starting or almost starting a fire because you're so fried on dope and alcohol - is very much like driving drunk then, isn't it? The drunk/druggie doesn't think their problem is anyone else's...but really
IT IS anyone around them that shares in the problem.
Now - my health problems, for however long they last 'til I heal up, stop having headaches and extra coughing, etc...are my problem - because I'm clean but someone else who lives beside me won't clean up their act!
I wasn't going to bring this to my blog and just bytch about it...but I've been hangin' on to it since Saturday and really...
It's a pretty pertinent topic for the blog, don't you think?
Anyhow - that's my blurb about bein' bytchy and sick...and also - here's a li'l info 'bout how being bytchy and sick can affect thinking when you're in recovery...
(something that I had to work on for a while JUST NOW 'cos this is the stuff that can make addicts in recovery - go back out and use)
... since I am up in the middle of the night from medication that I CAN TAKE which makes me jittery and wakes me up - and I was otherwise probably going to wake up from coughing anyway...I decided not to just lay there and feel kinda sick - I got up and started reading. I got even crankier than expected, really quick-like and homework sucked after about an hour... I slammed the books shut and got to wondering why I sobered up in order to live near an addict who keeps causing *coughcough* apartment problems blahblahblah (told ya I'm sick'n'cranky, eh?)...and finally, I started thinkin' that I might as well have gone to the bar last weekend and caused my OWN PROBLEMS with booze. I figured for a while it was starting to make sense that way because - so long as I don't have any control over OTHER PEOPLE but they can SERIOUSLY AFFECT my life with THEIR BOOZE and DRUG problems...blahblahblah it was just getting worse 'cos I am *coughcough* tired and cranky and it's the middle of the night...
It was all just stinkin' thinkin'...
SO I HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS...
Just spent the last hour IGNORING HOMEWORK and reading JOKES!
NOW I still feel kinda cranky and kinda sick - but feeling NOT SERIOUS AT ALL...
Plus...I don't think, anymore, that I should have just gone to the bar last weekend, etc, etc...that was just bytchy pity thinkin' from a little while ago and I'm glad I'm over that...
SO anyhow...here's a joke I thought was kinda cute...
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a doberman and the other,
a chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the doberman said
to her friend, Let's go over to that bar for a drink. The lady with the
chihuahua said, We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us. The one with
the doberman said, Just watch, and do as I do. They walked over to the bar
and the one with the doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to
walk in. The bouncer at the door said, Sorry, lady, no pets allowed. The
woman with the doberman said, You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye
dog. The bouncer said, A doberman? The woman said, Yes, they're using them
now. They're very good. The bouncer said, OK, come on in. The lady with the
chihuahua thought that convincing him that a chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog
may be a bit more difficult, but thought, what the heck, so she put on her
dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, Sorry,
lady, no pets allowed. The woman said, You don't understand. This is my
seeing-eye dog. The bouncer said, A chihuahua? The woman with the chihuahua
said, A chihuahua? The bastards sold me a chihuahua?
I'm glad I didn't just lay around when I couldn't sleep 'cos that's when 'sick and tired of it' thoughts and 'stinking thinking' thoughts occur - and I'm glad I got up to read some cool jokes. Now I'm tired but laughing.
Wow - what a screwed up post, eh?
I'm outta here - got more jokes to read.
The Wrong Way To Consider 12-Steps
Just Joking Here
LOL
Read!
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has completed their aftercare.
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not learn our
numerous slogans, and go to 90 meetings in 90 days. They are usually
men and women who are constitutionally incapable of forming meaningful
relationships in treatment centers. There are such unfortunates.
They are not at fault; their therapist told them so. They are naturally
incapable of grasping and developing a relationship with a vulnerable
newcomer. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too,
who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them
do recover if they have the capacity to form meaningful relationships.
Our stories disclose in a general way: how we were harmed, what happened
to those who harmed us, and how we got even in the end. If you have
decided you want what we have, you obviously haven't been paying attention
to our stories. If you're still determined to get what we have and are
willing to exert minimal effort to get it--then you are ready for a
temporary sponsor.
At their first suggestion we balked. We were sure that our sponsors
didn't understand. We were determined to find a sponsor who would see
things our way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command,
we beg of you to take it easy on these old fools. Some of us have tried
to re-educate our sponsors but the result was nil until we let go of
them absolutely.
Remember that we are dealing with your ego, cunning, baffling, powerful!
Without constant praise and reassurance it is too much for us. But there
is one, and possibly more, who has all power, that one is your significant
other. May you find them now!
Half measures availed us nothing. It was time to move in together. Having
abandoned common sense completely, we asked his or her protection and care
with great expectations.
Here are the steps we took, which interpreted properly, offer a spiritual
path to staying sober and having your own way in a meaningful relationship:
1. Don't drink or get loaded. Try to ignore the fact that you've never
actually been able to do this.
2. Came to believe that the right relationship could restore us to sanity.
3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our
significant other, assuming they had what we needed.
4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our significant other.
5 Complained to God, to ourselves, and to our temporary sponsors about
the exact nature of their wrongs.
6 Were entirely ready to have God remove these defective characters.
7 Humbly demanded that He find us the right significant other.
8 Made a list of everyone we found attractive and became willing to have
significant relationships with them all.
9. Made direct amends to people we believed might still be willing to
help us restore our net worth, except when their significant other was
attractive to us.
10. Continued to find fault with others and when they were wrong promptly
pointed it out.
11. Sought through prayer and manipulation to improve the behavior of our
significant other, praying for knowledge of all their hot buttons and
just the right time to push them.
12. Having gotten our own way as the result of these steps, we tried to
convince our significant other that this was really for their own good,
and that their future happiness lay in doing my will.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! They won't go through with it."
Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to do this with just
one partner. Fortunately the treatment centers, meetings, and social
activities are full of prospects who are not saints. The point is, that
we are willing to keep replacing partners until we find one or more who
will do it our way.
The principles we have set down have proven themselves in coffee shops,
clubhouses, and meetings across the land. We claim personal development
rather than personal perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the wives, and our
personal difficulties before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and it wasn't our fault.
(b) That our current therapist and significant other could not relieve
our alcoholism.
(c) That the right partner could and would if they were sought.
:)
LOL
Read!
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has completed their aftercare.
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not learn our
numerous slogans, and go to 90 meetings in 90 days. They are usually
men and women who are constitutionally incapable of forming meaningful
relationships in treatment centers. There are such unfortunates.
They are not at fault; their therapist told them so. They are naturally
incapable of grasping and developing a relationship with a vulnerable
newcomer. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too,
who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them
do recover if they have the capacity to form meaningful relationships.
Our stories disclose in a general way: how we were harmed, what happened
to those who harmed us, and how we got even in the end. If you have
decided you want what we have, you obviously haven't been paying attention
to our stories. If you're still determined to get what we have and are
willing to exert minimal effort to get it--then you are ready for a
temporary sponsor.
At their first suggestion we balked. We were sure that our sponsors
didn't understand. We were determined to find a sponsor who would see
things our way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command,
we beg of you to take it easy on these old fools. Some of us have tried
to re-educate our sponsors but the result was nil until we let go of
them absolutely.
Remember that we are dealing with your ego, cunning, baffling, powerful!
Without constant praise and reassurance it is too much for us. But there
is one, and possibly more, who has all power, that one is your significant
other. May you find them now!
Half measures availed us nothing. It was time to move in together. Having
abandoned common sense completely, we asked his or her protection and care
with great expectations.
Here are the steps we took, which interpreted properly, offer a spiritual
path to staying sober and having your own way in a meaningful relationship:
1. Don't drink or get loaded. Try to ignore the fact that you've never
actually been able to do this.
2. Came to believe that the right relationship could restore us to sanity.
3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our
significant other, assuming they had what we needed.
4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our significant other.
5 Complained to God, to ourselves, and to our temporary sponsors about
the exact nature of their wrongs.
6 Were entirely ready to have God remove these defective characters.
7 Humbly demanded that He find us the right significant other.
8 Made a list of everyone we found attractive and became willing to have
significant relationships with them all.
9. Made direct amends to people we believed might still be willing to
help us restore our net worth, except when their significant other was
attractive to us.
10. Continued to find fault with others and when they were wrong promptly
pointed it out.
11. Sought through prayer and manipulation to improve the behavior of our
significant other, praying for knowledge of all their hot buttons and
just the right time to push them.
12. Having gotten our own way as the result of these steps, we tried to
convince our significant other that this was really for their own good,
and that their future happiness lay in doing my will.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! They won't go through with it."
Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to do this with just
one partner. Fortunately the treatment centers, meetings, and social
activities are full of prospects who are not saints. The point is, that
we are willing to keep replacing partners until we find one or more who
will do it our way.
The principles we have set down have proven themselves in coffee shops,
clubhouses, and meetings across the land. We claim personal development
rather than personal perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the wives, and our
personal difficulties before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and it wasn't our fault.
(b) That our current therapist and significant other could not relieve
our alcoholism.
(c) That the right partner could and would if they were sought.
:)
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Of Tantamount Importance Pt 3 - Conclusion
Alright, so the dreaded (and dumb, in my opinion) joke is past.
*whew*
Back to the study:
The German study conducted to determine differences in how recovering addicts/alcoholics differ from 'healthy' people regarding 'HUMOUR' - basically tells us that
Recovering addicts often have trouble with processing 'humourous' material!
(Sometimes) Addicts Can't Take A Joke.
(Sometimes) Addicts Don't 'Get' Jokes.
(Sometimes) Addicts don't find things 'funny' that other people do.
The areas tested in the research all involve skills that people use to interpret and understand jokes. Aside from 'mood,' all of the other areas imply that:
An addict's intellectual ability, skewed from abusing substances, is less intellectually tuned to figuring out 'joke material, and...
An addict's memory, skewed from abusing substances, is less capable of drawing on 'previous' information learned - that might assist the addict to 'get the joke'
An addict's psychomotor skills, in question - damaged from substance abuse, are less capable of assisting an addict in the realization of 'punch lines.' You may not think that this 'more physical' area tested wouldn't have anything to do with 'brain-work' but IT DOES because...Psychomotor skills include - INPUT FROM THE EYES, so that external data can be entered to become part of 'brainwork' and the thinking process! An addict's poor 'mentalizing' ability hinders the process of interpreting jokes!
In short - recovering addicts have quite a few damaged areas (even if known only to be scant measures of mental impairment) that fog their ability to see humour as healthier people see humour!
Now that this is known, it's not the end of the world! I thought it was, at first, but after some 'problem-solving,' I realized that if recovering addicts - as well as 'healthy' individuals just keep this information in mind, the addict can learn to think differently by NOT RELYING on only deficient parts of their make-up while healthier people can, if they're aware that the joke they are telling is being processed by a recovering alcoholic, GIVE THE ADDICT MORE TIME for sorting the joke out........and more importantly - BE CALM if the addict is unable to see the humour right away.
Maybe addicts will have to resolve to allow other people to find certain jokes FUNNY even if they don't appreciate the same joke - instead of thinking 'that joke was stupid and that person who thought it was funny - is actually pretty weird (or has a weird sense of humour).'
All in all, if we all agree to disagree, we can all get along, funny or not funny!
How does this further related to addiction, recovery, or this blog - where 12-Step information is ALL OVER THE PLACE?
Well...
Bill W. and Doctor Bob do, in fact, mention in a few places in The Big Book - not to take our addict selves too seriously - but I believe these messages are often overlooked and dwarfed by more graphic wording in The Big Book.
Maybe Bill and Doc Bob were ON TO SOMETHING (that they couldn't properly define in one spot during their time).
Maybe Billy and The B. Doc were trying to say, in a totally non-scientific-non-German-research type of way that:
"Hey heads up! ADDICTS DONT PROCESS HUMOUR THE SAME WAY AS OTHER PEOPLE SO HEADS UP - You'll have to WORK ON IT." (K.I.S.S. version)
Maybe Bill and Doc Bob were (doh) letting fellow-alcoholics KNOW that we often don't understand humour or see humourous content because OUR MINDS process things in a serious fashion...due to long-term damage from our substance abuse. Fellow alcoholics aren't at fault by way of 'character' but by way of physiology - as is supported by the German research.
So, recovery suggestions NOT TO TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY all the time and to DEVELOP A SENSE OF HUMOUR - really are of tantamount importance, aren't they?
(even if the joke is awful)
*whew*
Back to the study:
The German study conducted to determine differences in how recovering addicts/alcoholics differ from 'healthy' people regarding 'HUMOUR' - basically tells us that
Recovering addicts often have trouble with processing 'humourous' material!
(Sometimes) Addicts Can't Take A Joke.
(Sometimes) Addicts Don't 'Get' Jokes.
(Sometimes) Addicts don't find things 'funny' that other people do.
The areas tested in the research all involve skills that people use to interpret and understand jokes. Aside from 'mood,' all of the other areas imply that:
An addict's intellectual ability, skewed from abusing substances, is less intellectually tuned to figuring out 'joke material, and...
An addict's memory, skewed from abusing substances, is less capable of drawing on 'previous' information learned - that might assist the addict to 'get the joke'
An addict's psychomotor skills, in question - damaged from substance abuse, are less capable of assisting an addict in the realization of 'punch lines.' You may not think that this 'more physical' area tested wouldn't have anything to do with 'brain-work' but IT DOES because...Psychomotor skills include - INPUT FROM THE EYES, so that external data can be entered to become part of 'brainwork' and the thinking process! An addict's poor 'mentalizing' ability hinders the process of interpreting jokes!
In short - recovering addicts have quite a few damaged areas (even if known only to be scant measures of mental impairment) that fog their ability to see humour as healthier people see humour!
Now that this is known, it's not the end of the world! I thought it was, at first, but after some 'problem-solving,' I realized that if recovering addicts - as well as 'healthy' individuals just keep this information in mind, the addict can learn to think differently by NOT RELYING on only deficient parts of their make-up while healthier people can, if they're aware that the joke they are telling is being processed by a recovering alcoholic, GIVE THE ADDICT MORE TIME for sorting the joke out........and more importantly - BE CALM if the addict is unable to see the humour right away.
Maybe addicts will have to resolve to allow other people to find certain jokes FUNNY even if they don't appreciate the same joke - instead of thinking 'that joke was stupid and that person who thought it was funny - is actually pretty weird (or has a weird sense of humour).'
All in all, if we all agree to disagree, we can all get along, funny or not funny!
How does this further related to addiction, recovery, or this blog - where 12-Step information is ALL OVER THE PLACE?
Well...
Bill W. and Doctor Bob do, in fact, mention in a few places in The Big Book - not to take our addict selves too seriously - but I believe these messages are often overlooked and dwarfed by more graphic wording in The Big Book.
Maybe Bill and Doc Bob were ON TO SOMETHING (that they couldn't properly define in one spot during their time).
Maybe Billy and The B. Doc were trying to say, in a totally non-scientific-non-German-research type of way that:
"Hey heads up! ADDICTS DONT PROCESS HUMOUR THE SAME WAY AS OTHER PEOPLE SO HEADS UP - You'll have to WORK ON IT." (K.I.S.S. version)
Maybe Bill and Doc Bob were (doh) letting fellow-alcoholics KNOW that we often don't understand humour or see humourous content because OUR MINDS process things in a serious fashion...due to long-term damage from our substance abuse. Fellow alcoholics aren't at fault by way of 'character' but by way of physiology - as is supported by the German research.
So, recovery suggestions NOT TO TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY all the time and to DEVELOP A SENSE OF HUMOUR - really are of tantamount importance, aren't they?
(even if the joke is awful)
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